Homeward Bound...

Everyday's an endless stream
of cigarettes and magazines
And each town looks the same to me
The movies and the factories
And every stranger's face I see
Reminds me that I long to be

Homeward Bound
I wish I was
Homeward Bound
Home, where my thoughts escaping
Home, where my music's playing
Home, where my love lies waiting silently for me...

-Paul Simon

Indeed, I am heading home this weekend and am very much looking forward to a vacation. Going home is an interesting experience for me--much different than it used to be. Throughout college and even grad school I missed the "good ol' days" in Marshalltown. Those of you who know me well (all three of you reading this) know that I am prone to melancholy reflection, but perhaps not the extent to which it used to affect me. In high school I missed being a little kid. In college I missed high school. In grad school I missed college. Even though I knew that none of these previous time periods were the utopias I pictured in my mind, I idealized them nonetheless. For instance, much of my freshman year in college was wasted pining over my high school days, even though said high school days were filled with anxiety, unfulfilled romantic longings, and one awkward pubescent incident after another. I mean, come on! How great could high school really have been??? This "grass was always greener" mentality prevented me from fully appreciating my present situations. I was convinced I longed to be back home.

I finally turned the corner three years ago. I had been studying in Scotland for 9 months and had become rather homesick. I couldn't wait to get back home. As I was at a strange, transitional place in my life and didn't really know what to do with myself, I decided to stay in Marshalltown for the year. Why not? It was home. It was the place where I had acquired my fondest memories...but the utopia was no more. I soon realized that the attempt to relive the glory days was sad at best. I was a guy in his late twenties, living with his parents, and working a job that paid very little. It was the closest thing to a wasted year I've ever had and, God willing, ever will have. Needless to say, I was finally ready to get the hell out of there. And I did.

Having been away for a couple of years, I am now able to appreciate my old stomping grounds again. I look forward to visiting, but am ready to leave by the end of the week. I love spending time with my family, playing with Murphy (mom and dad's awesome dog), and the open landscape. I look forward to driving through the countryside and visiting with old friends (the few that still remain in town). Ultimately, however, Los Angeles is now my home. Although I am still prone to spells of reminiscence, I am investing my effort and energy in the present so that this time of my life will be, retrospectively, another one of those "grass was always greener" eras.