Yes, friends, today is the first day in nine years that my birthday means anything (well, maybe 25 since my car insurance went down). As I have a tendency towards melancholy reflection, I have tried not to ponder the ramifications of this day too much, but I do suppose some thoughts are expected/necessary. These are the random thoughts that are spinning in my head:
When my father was my age, I was a two year old and he'd been married for at least seven years. I know I am part of a different generation, one which procrastinates settling down, but I can't help feeling like I am lagging behind in the family department... especially since I have yet to have a relationship last more than a few months... and it doesn't look like this will be changing any time soon (sorry mom and dad, better look to your daughter for some grand kids).
I don't feel like I'm 30. Maybe it's always this way-- at 25 I didn't feel 25, at 20 I didn't feel 20, at 50 I won't feel 50, etc. I feel more mature than I did at 20, less apt to act rashly or run my mouth off without thinking, but I definitely don't feel like a full fledged adult at this point. I am finally starting to desire many aspects of adulthood however, though this might be by default or resignation. I wonder if you wake up when you're 40 and go "Oh, now I'm an adult. Cool."
I thought I'd be in a different place at 30. I guess I always assumed I'd be locked into a career, whether it be acting or whatever, and I also assumed I'd be married (this is the 25 and younger Craig talking). I am basically neutral on this position because at times I would like the stability, at others I enjoy the freedom.
In the past year I've started having those "I'm not getting any younger" feelings. These are accompanied by a frequent investigation of my hairline and a much more rigorous routine at the gym. I am, however, in better shape at age 30 than I was at 24.
I hope for a productive year. Hitting this milestone has motivated me to take advantage of all life has to offer--I no longer wish away time at any juncture...even when I'm bored at work.
I'm glad I'm in LA. Out here it's normal to be my age and single, unsettled and still searching. If I were any place else, especially back in the Midwest, I think I would be pretty depressed about my lot in life at this point.
I understand more than ever that appreciating the process/journey, while frustrating and difficult (particularly when I don't see the immediate results I desire), is tantamount to happiness and fulfilment.
On Turning 40..
My other damned knee isn't working properly now. I better meet a woman soon because this comb over isn't fooling anybody and my last visible ab is rapidly vanishing.
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6 comments:
Happy birthday.
30 ain't so bad, brother. In the words of the great and wise Sandy Richter, "Congratulations on turning 30. The great thing about it is that more people will take you seriously now!"
Well, maybe not YOU!
Craig, I regret to inform you that we can no longer be friends. Being seen with the over 30 set ruins my chances of landing a younger hottie. It was fun while it lasted, and you still have good hair working for you, but everything else just reeks of oldness.
So long and thanks for all the breakfast's.
Ah, thank God for quality friends. The encouragement and props are what keep me going...
It's because we love you so!
You know what I hate most is that my body realizes that I am over 30 even though my mind does not. I hate things like "stretching." And the other day, I collided with a 20 year old while playing ultimate. He had a small bruise. I dislocated my shoulder.
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